feeling numb & lazy

“I know God wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”

This weekend, I just decided to be kind of lazy, yes, I was a bit numb. The death of that child, Efe  that used to be the center just got me, not down, but numb. It reminded me of a friend whose eight and half year old daughter with Cp died about this time last year. It was on Ash wednesday last year. She was her only  child. Efe was seven plus. Both had spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy, Ziim has spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy, she will be six in June. Where is your thought going ????

So Saturday, I chose to be lazy, no therapy for my baby. I just stayed and played with her, more like clinging on to her. How much longer???

Today after mass, we got home, I made Ziim’s lunch, put in a food warmer and we went to visit Efe’s parents. The mum on seeing us wept, it’s difficult to ask her not to cry. For like 30 minutes, we all sat in silence, after a while I could not hold back my tears. I could feel her pains, the loss of a first child, and my unspoken fear. Then we talk for while.  

We stayed for like an hour and half.  On our way home, we visited another family whose child has spastic quad cp, he is about five or so. 

I am wondering…………….no I said nothing, but……..

My laziness ends tomorrow morning, and I hope the numbness. I will have to keep doing what I am doing so that whatever happens, I can I say I did all I could.

Then I remembered this quote I saw somewhere: “I know God wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much”. Is He trusting me so much??? Please somebody tell me??




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