Feeling inadequate!

Last week the Center resumed after the short Easter holiday. I was away in Abuja so Ziim and I joined them on Wednesday. That same Wednesday, a child started at the Center. I was slow in accepting her because sometimes oftentime I am not quite sure if I offer anything to the children. Honestly, I often have this feeling that may be the children are better off somewhere else. You know, this feeling of inadequacy. 

 Mrs Sd had called and later came over to the Center, that was before the break. She came about 1.30p.m. It was lunch time and I quickly drafted her to feed a child for us. I have said that lunch time is a challenging time for us. It was a Tuesday, so the children were eating beans and that amazed her. Another source of amazement for  her was Amina feeding herself and Pro was assisted to feed himself. She knew them and Ziim two years ago when we started the Center. I knew Mrs Sd from the neuro clinic in LUTH and later met her at the center where Ziim attended for a while.

After lunch we went to the office to talk. Aunty Nonye, she started, please I will like to bring my daughter here. No, Mrs Sd, I do not think I will like to accept her. She goes to centerXXT, doesn’t she? Yes, but not anymore. She has not been since the year. May I ask why. She gave me her reasons, all sounded quite genuine . You see, I do not want to be seen as if I am taking XXT’s clients, so please we may not accept her here. She pleaded. I told her that I do not even know what I am doing, se’bi she knows that I am not a professional. More like pointing out my inadequacies. Yes she knows, but aunty Nonye, whatever you are doing is definitely producing some result. I knew the three children you started the Center with two years ago, I see them  today and I am amazed. But you know that there is no quick fix to Cp, and each child responds differently. She knows and she is not expecting  magic.    

Before I saw the child, for a child as grossly involved as Ziim, I could imagine  how she would be. I told her my thoughts, showing her pictures. She agreed with me. I decided to take the child to further test this therapy. She brought the child on wednesday and on examining the child, my fears were confirmed. We’llsee how the child fares in the one year or ther about  



How much is the fees? She asked. The  Center services are free for now, but we expect parents to know that staff are paid and rent paid on accomodation. Every parent is expected to be a fund raiser. 

When she came at 4p.m to pick her, we informed that Ol had ripe plantain and egg with vegetable as lunch. She was perplexed. How did you do it? She does not take food from spoon from me, I have to make her food into puree and use cup to give it to her. That means you have to carry her? Yes. Well, for how long will you do that? You see, whenI put spoon in her mouth she clenches her teeth. I could relate to that. Ziim does that..tonic bite reflex, but we still have to find a way to feed her more in a socially acceptable way. You have to make her as socially acceptable as possible.

Sunday Mrs Sd called about 1p.m.  I am trying to make lunch, could you please tell me the vegetable you  used to Ol’s food the other day?  I told her and also how I made the food.

Monday morning I woke up, at about 6 a.m it started raining, I was sure the children would not come to the center. I told myself I would use their absence to catch up on my blog. To my surprise they all came, even tiny princess! Do they feel they gain something? I just do not know. I say it again, I am only a mother trying out things I read and sometimes observed proffessionals do on Cp children. I wish the mothers do not look up to me the way they do. Can they not see my inadequacy? No matter how I try to shake off the feeling, it just stays. I guess I just have to trudge ahead regardless of the feeling and hope that it is not very obvious. Or what do you think?


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