What if…………

I know that a child could die from seizure, particularly if she goes into a long-lasting convulsive seizure  called “tonic-clonic status epilepticus” which is a medical emergency that needs to be stopped within 30minutes according to the books. And here I was, watching my baby, yes Ziim, convulsing!  She was jerking, eyes rolling up! I pulled down her diaper, she had passed stool!!

This past week was one I could say was fine. It went by just like most weeks, we got a new child in the Center, a very beautiful girl, the type that would make you want to have a baby girl even when you have given up child bearing. She is three, her name literary is translated as “Thank God”. The way she looks, well taken care of, well fed, leaves you in no doubt that her mother is thankful to God for her despite the fact that she has Cerebral palsy. Her mother dots over her, she understands the condition, told me the daughter was out of oxygen for 17 minutes or there about at birth. It is easier to work with mothers like her for you do not waste energy convincing her that her child’s condition is not as a result of any bird or cat that cried non stop twhile she was in labour.

I also got to meet a mother who has been following us through this blog. Well, let’s just say that we met “inter presentis” for we have been chatting on facebook and over the phone. She lives closer to the boarder than Suru-lere where we are. She drove all the way from there to the Center, she told me she left about 6.30a.m to get here about 9.am. I felt really humbled, frightened and awkward all at the same time. Humbled that she went through all that trouble to come here just to seek advice from me; me who lacks words to qualify what she does. I was frightened that more people than I thought take me seriously and awkward because I felt like one being undressed in the public eye. She was calling the children by name and told me that she knew them from this blog. Hm… thank God I talk about them as they are, was all I said silently to myself. She came with her adorable daughter, a very beautiful girl, she has Cerebral Palsy. I could not help wondering why  Cerebral Palsy chooses the pretty girls or is it the pretty girls choosing to have Cerebral Palsy. This young mother left me with lots  of admiration! Since Ziim, I thought I have become strong, but meeting her made me appear like a weakling. Her strength, faith in God and love and hope for her baby girl leave  me with nothing but admiration for her. I do not know how useful the visit was for her, but I gained a lot from the visit. No, not the donation she made to the Center, nor her volunteering as a fund raiser, but the strength she silently gave to me. She left about 1p.m, I had an appointment around mile2 which was on her way so I asked and got a ride to mile2 saving myself the stress of driving to that area.

Friday, I woke up, time check, 2 a.m Ha.. I don’t like this. It has been like this almost all the week long. There was no light and this internet access has been so slow that I chose to stay away from the web. My spirit just did not agree to pray, I wonder, does this happen to anyone else? Sometimes you know you should pray but when you take a prayer position like kneeling down, eyes closed, the words just won’t come. So it was, I put on my solar lamp and just sat there thinking that I was praying! At about 3.30a.m, I felt I had “thought-prayed” enough, I put in 2hrs of therapy on Ziim. I still did not feel better, 6.15a.m, I decided to take a walk, an activity I started this past week too, thanks to my friend at CIP  who is looking out for me. I walked for about 35mins, I was not tired, I wanted to keep walking, then I remembered that Ziim was still asleep, I like to watch her waking up. I was thinking; did I watch her yesterday? No, I went walking and she was awake  when I got back. Now I had to hurry, I started jogging back home, I needed to watch her. Thank goodness she was still asleep when I got back, I did what Dr.P says to do, took two glasses of water and sat by her. Shortly after, she woke up, as I watched her, my heart dropped a bit, then she smiled. My heart dropped because she twitched around her mouth as she was waking! I know that it is seizure. She has not had a grand mal for a while now (over four months) I  have been holding my breath in thanksgiving.

We did our usual morning routine and went to the Center. On Fridays we usually close earlier than other days and most of the children do not come, I silently prayed that this will be one of such days as my spirit was a bit down. My mind was on the seizure, somehow I was scared that she just may go into a grand mal. Seven children were present that meant that there was no escape for me. All through I was watching her, as if expecting her to start convulsing, she was a bit more quiet that usual or is it my imagination. During lunch, I noticed that she was not accepting food well, I was sitting across her feeding the new child while Mr V fed her. She was eating with a lot of effort.

lunchtime on Friday

Center closed, we went home, I made lunch for my mum and I (my mum has been around for a few weeks) she has been “working” in the Center since she came.

playtime on Friday..my mum at the background

After lunch, I decided to take a nap, I was tired, should be, have been up since about 2a.m. I put Ziim on my side, we were watching TV, I must have drifted off to sleep. I woke up, Ziim was asleep, hm.. don’t like it. I watched her for a while, and went back to sleep. I woke with a start, turned to Ziim….she was convulsing!! for how long I could not say. I turned her to her side and watched her as her limbs jerked, eyes rolling up!  I checked time, 6.15p.m, do not panic Nonye. I pulled down her diaper, she had pooed!! I wiped her, reached for the rectal diazepam and gave it to her. She should relax in ten minutes I said to myself, that’s what the books say. I waited, she was still jerking, 5mins, 10mins, 15mins!!!she just kept going, 20mins!!!! OMG!!!I called my mum (she was in her room). I must have controlled my emotions so well for when she came in, she did not realize immediately what was happening. 20mins, this girl was still jerking, then my mum realized and ask me what I usually do, I told her that I have done that, then we should go to the hospital. Hm.. hospital!, my experiences at the hospitals with a convulsing Ziim will be a subject of another post. But suffice  it to say that it is something I was not in a hurry to go through. l was contemplating giving her a second dose of diazipam when I noticed that she started relaxing, about 5mins later she went to sleep. Time check, 7.18p.m!!!

If you are still reading, thank you!

I almost did not get a sleep the whole night as I wanted to be sure that she was in truth sleeping. I kept checking her breathing. Thankfully, morning came and we both were there. What could have triggered the seizure I kept thinking. She seemed to be running temperature, could it be that she has malaria?  I decided to give anti malarial drug.  Could it be that she is under dosed? She has been on this dose for quite a while now and she has put on some weight. Hm.. I think I shall go to see the doctor.

It was quite scary I must tell you. As we woke up on Saturday I felt like we have both been giving a second chance to be together.

Ziim on Saturday morning. Can give anything to know what is going on in her mind

On Sunday, my brother visited, and while he played with Ziim,  my foolish mind could not help thinking; what if…..ok, I’ll say it, what if she did not come out of that long seizure knowing that it is a possibility, this visit could have been a cry cry visit. But thank God for another chance.


Ziim playing with her uncle

                                                prayer time….may the seizure stay far from us!

Did I get your Amen?