INDEPENDENCE….I do no longer want!!!

Independence! How we all crave for it! How we all want to be free! Free from our parents, free to make own decisions. I remember how I could not wait to graduate, practically breathlessly. I would no longer be told what to do. There will be no papa and mama telling me; no you may not go there, well may be,  I have heard you, but not now, or such talks. I wanted to make my decisions, be accountable for my actions!

I graduated from the university!!! Hilarious!! I have grown up! I do not need “permission” anymore to do what I wanted!! All I need is to “inform”  papa and mama of my actions. But be consciously guided by “whose daughter you are”. Papa would always tell us, remember whose child you are. That which you would not do in my presence, never do it in my absence. In fact, I need you to be of better behaviour when you are away from home. It’s okay papa, I will try, just let me be free. I got my freedom. Haaa. I remember the first major decision or is it action I took on my own. I still chuckle each time I think of it. You can never guess. Coming to Lagos! I changed my NYSC posting to Lagos state, then informed my parents. I have really grown up and independent.

It did not take me time to figure out that it is better to take the action first, then inform them, than informing them of the action you about to take. The later will be more like asking for permission, per chance they are not agreeable to the intended action and ask you not to do it, going ahead with it will be more like disobedience and you do not want to be seen as a disobedient child. So I take my actions, inform them. It follows that you must do that which you will be proud to tell them of. Though I must confess that there were a few I was not so proud to them, so I kept those to myself and prayed they never found out.

But today, I do not want to be independent. I want to be told what to do!!! I am told that Ziim has hip dislocation and I am expected to take a decision on that. Is she to have a surgery or not. The man with the knife says usually for children like Ziim they do nothing if they are not in pain. But since Ziim is in pain it may have to be done. He has given me the options, I have read tried to read and understand, I have spoken to my friends and family member who understand medical  words, they have tried to explain to me the way I will understand. But they failed to do one important thing….tell me what to do. Put different, take away my independence, my freedom to do that which I ought to, not to be told what to day. Oh, how I miss those days! Nonye do this, yes ma, Nonye do that, yes sir. Nonye why did you do that (may be sista asking) It’s mama that asked me to do it, case closed. Who kept this cup here (that’s papa asking) It is me Nonye. Why? Broda said to keep it there. End of story! I tried talking to papa, he was busy singing alleleuya in heaven. Hello mama, please tell me what to do. She does not understand osteotomy, release of abductor muscles or such things, she actually wants to attend to some CWO members that came to pray with her. Yes, we are in her prayers. Did I say reconstruction of acetabulum?? Femoral head resection?? Don’t understand such things, you know I didn’t do much of schooling.  Not to worry, just make a decision. She gives me freedom!!  My mother!!

I want to be dependent!!! Someone take away my freedom please!! Tell me what to do. My sis, one of the ones who actually should exert her medical authority and TELL me what do offered an advice, look up to the Man above. Aren’t we all looking up to him?

 Independence!! I no longer desire you!! Please some one tell me what I ought to do!

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2 thoughts on “INDEPENDENCE….I do no longer want!!!

  1. […]                                      Since I expressed my desire to give up my independence, I have not been in here. Not that much has not been going on, but like I said, I just did not want […]

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  2. […] recall that after I sought for who’s knife  Ziim would go under, and practically gave up my independence which no one agreed to take up, we started looking into alternative therapies. We found and started […]

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