In Five Minutes…….I knew I was not strong.

I had vowed to be strong the next time it comes calling. I told myself that I will stand by and watch it play out, watch it resolve. I will not give her the relaxant. Is it not how mummy Er told me she started..

But I failed! I am such a wimp! Is it not amazing how your courage fails when you are faced with a fight you have prepared for, albeit mentally?

I watched, waiting for it to resolve on its own. One minute passed, two, three, four, five! I could no longer allow her to go on, so I reached for the relaxant,, broke off the seal and gave it as the instruction manual says to. Hmmm. I sat there and watched it take its effect. Six minutes later, Ziim was asleep!!

It was 7.15 am, Friday the 10th of July, 2015. Ziim had a grand mal  seizure, exactly 5 weeks since the last one. Big sigh. So soon???

The last episode was on the 4th of June, we had gone 7 good months without any and I was almost getting used to her not having a grand mal!!

The last episode!!! That one deserves a separate post and I will give it that honour. Soon I hope.

So she slept for two and half hours , woke up, had breakfast and she showed no sign of what she went through. She used to be lethargic for a couple of days after an episode, but not after this one and even the last.

I hate seizure!!!!

I had resolved to wean her off the anti seizure med after I had a conversation with Mummy Er sometimes last month. Mummy Er had shared with me how she weaned her son off anti seizure med, this will take years I know. The first step is not to give the relaxant when she has a grand mal seizure, after sometime she said “the brain will get used to it”. “All you need do is to be courageous”, she added. Hm..I made a mental note to discuss it with the doctor when next we go see him. But we have not been to the doctor  and the seizure came calling on Friday morning.

Time to show courage. It only took five minutes for me to know that I do not have courage, that I am not strong.

So when next you go saying,,,,ah Nonye, you are a strong woman, need I remind you that she is not, she is a wimp:))

Or what do you think?